People who hold reformed doctrines tend to be labeled many times as arrogant and overly adament in the expression of their views on grace. This is a great injustice to the doctrines of grace, since those who hold to these doctrines (such as myself) should really understand humility deeper; after all, we are those who believe that it was of no work or choice of our own that we are in Christ and that the work of God chose us, the vile things, out of his infinite goodness and wisdom. I never saw myself as one of the arrogant and overly adament until this week when I seriously scarred a relationship with one of the most important people in my life with my own puffed up attitude and relentless attacks. For this, I repent to this person and to God, and only hope that He will mend what I have wounded.
Since this experience, I have been thinking a lot about how to love with the truth as we are called to do in Ephesians 4:13,14: "Then we will no longer be infants,...Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." I definately received a humbling blow with the knowledge of my lack of maturity and lack of sensitivity this week. In stressing my opinions in an overly aggressive way, I gave many false implications of what my faith is all about. Although I still believe that love for this person motivated me, I distorted true doctrines and true love into my own soapbox. I spoke the truth, but the love was not that of Christ. May the Lord lead me as a person of belief in reformed doctrines of grace to always be humble in the manner in which I present the truth of the impossible (yet believable) love of God for unworthy sinners, of which, as I was assured this week, I am the worst.
I give praise to God that his sovereign reign is able to undue the damage that I have done in distorting Christianity to this person whom I love. I repent of the harm I may have done to this relationship and, more importantly, to the harm I may have done to this person's view of God and Protestant Christianity. My hope is that they can forgive me and see beyond the arrogance to the truth of what I have presented. May the Lord guide me to speak the truth in love through the humility expressed in the life and death of Christ.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Siempre esperamos una despedida...
We always await a goodbye.
I read a book this semester by a Mexican author called "La piel muerta" (The dead skin) that was incredibly sad about how we have relationships in life but that there is really no hope because the only state of a relationship is waiting for the end. Today Silvia left for la Ciudad de Carmen, her hometown. However, as a believer in the care of God for his children and the hope of redemption, I am sad because I don't know when I will see her again and because I no longer have her care and love. I am not said because I believe that we are only allowed relationships that will not have eternal durations or because I the pain of losing her scares me so bad that I fear even having a relationship with her.
Silvia wrote me an incredibly beautiful letter, which she presented me with in the taxi ride to the bus station. Once at the bus station, we bought M&M's, looked for a present for her parents, tried to finish Ephesians (which we have been reading together), and I presented her with a large stuffed cow (which she informed me was the best cow she had ever received, which is something coming from her). After all of this, Silvia read me her letter out loud and we both, standing in the walkway because there was no room for us in the seats in the waiting area, began to weep. There is something about crying together over shared experiences that is incredibly comforting yet terribly disconcerting. In this instance, our reminiscing of these memories signified the end of our time together as of now and the beginning of a time of uncertainty as we have a relationship between countries.
We got about halfway through the letter when it became apparent that her bus could leave without her if we didn't leave off there. So, I hurriedly gave her a goodbye hug and kiss and that was that. Fighting tears I wandered to a table in some restaurant in the main, open part of the bus station. There I continued reading the beautiful letter and really broke down crying. It was so beautiful to review our experiences through the medium of her letter.
All this to say, I am incredibly sad that the woman I care so much about is now going to be thousands of miles from me for an unknown amount of time. But, I do not feel the tension of awaiting a permanent goodbye. I'm not sure if the Lord will preserve the relationship or not. I know that I will continue to pray for Silvia and for myself and what God would have for our lives. Today was a goodbye, but not the goodbye. As the great hymn goes "What´ever my God ordains is right," I know that I am not aimlessly wondering, fearing the breakdown of things. Oh that God would give me the faith to sing and pray that great line with honesty!
I read a book this semester by a Mexican author called "La piel muerta" (The dead skin) that was incredibly sad about how we have relationships in life but that there is really no hope because the only state of a relationship is waiting for the end. Today Silvia left for la Ciudad de Carmen, her hometown. However, as a believer in the care of God for his children and the hope of redemption, I am sad because I don't know when I will see her again and because I no longer have her care and love. I am not said because I believe that we are only allowed relationships that will not have eternal durations or because I the pain of losing her scares me so bad that I fear even having a relationship with her.
Silvia wrote me an incredibly beautiful letter, which she presented me with in the taxi ride to the bus station. Once at the bus station, we bought M&M's, looked for a present for her parents, tried to finish Ephesians (which we have been reading together), and I presented her with a large stuffed cow (which she informed me was the best cow she had ever received, which is something coming from her). After all of this, Silvia read me her letter out loud and we both, standing in the walkway because there was no room for us in the seats in the waiting area, began to weep. There is something about crying together over shared experiences that is incredibly comforting yet terribly disconcerting. In this instance, our reminiscing of these memories signified the end of our time together as of now and the beginning of a time of uncertainty as we have a relationship between countries.
We got about halfway through the letter when it became apparent that her bus could leave without her if we didn't leave off there. So, I hurriedly gave her a goodbye hug and kiss and that was that. Fighting tears I wandered to a table in some restaurant in the main, open part of the bus station. There I continued reading the beautiful letter and really broke down crying. It was so beautiful to review our experiences through the medium of her letter.
All this to say, I am incredibly sad that the woman I care so much about is now going to be thousands of miles from me for an unknown amount of time. But, I do not feel the tension of awaiting a permanent goodbye. I'm not sure if the Lord will preserve the relationship or not. I know that I will continue to pray for Silvia and for myself and what God would have for our lives. Today was a goodbye, but not the goodbye. As the great hymn goes "What´ever my God ordains is right," I know that I am not aimlessly wondering, fearing the breakdown of things. Oh that God would give me the faith to sing and pray that great line with honesty!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
La policía
If you know me, you know that I have a great respect for our police force in American mainly based upon my love for the tv show "cops." However, I'm sure we have all heard the horror stories of the corrupt police force in Mexico that pulls people over and tells them they found drugs in the car just to get that extra 300 pesos or so. Before a few nights ago, these were just stories.
It all started when Silvia and I went for "churros" (giant cinnamon sticks) in the center of town, which has become our delicious ritual. After finishing, she told me she wanted to go to the church. Thinking she meant the church in the zócalo (which is where we were), I agreed quickly. But, she quickly corrected me and told me she wanted to go to the church on top of the piramid. This is the piramid with the largest base in Mexican and has a quaint, catholic/pagan church on the top. It was about 10 o´clock at night and I couldn't help but think how beautiful the view of the city from the top would be. I was in.
We arrived at the base of the piramid with no gates and no opposition. We began the journey up the stairs and passed a group of three people that didn´t say anything to us. About 10 minutes later we arrived at the church. There were gates showing that it was closed, but we decided to jump them and enter anyway. After about 15 minutes of us being moderately loud on the top, because we didn't think anybody was there, a man came out of the church. We were just standing and looking at the city, so he just told us we had to leave. We complied, although sad that we wouldn't receive the same view from farther down the piramid.
About 50 yards down from the church was a grassy hill that we decided would make a good city-gazing spot. We planted ourselves and just sat tranquilly staring and talking. About five minutes into our time there three police officers walked abruptly up to us. "I need to see your credentials please. This is a restricted area as it is an arcealogical zone. Where are you from? Where do you live? You can't be here because this is an arcealogical zone." All of this was said by the leader of the three in a matter of about 10 seconds. Silvia didn't have her i.d. from the university, but I did, so I gave it to them. The leader continued to badger us. He lead into his big speach for about the second time about how this was an "arcealogical zone" when I said, "look, we didn't know, we will go, all we needed was a warning." But, they wouldn't let us go. At this point, I thought about making a run-for-it and just leaving my i.d., but I noticed that they had guns at there hips and decided that wouldn't be the best move. Silvia, being the actress that she is, led into a big speal about how she was only 17 (she´s 18) and how they were just trying to badger us. The two followers engaged her arguement while the leader took me aside. "Look, you´re going to have to pay us", he said. "Well, how much?" I responded. He took a few seconds to calculate an amount he thought I would pay and that would satisfy his greed. He responded, "3", meaning 300 pesos (about 30 dollars). All I know is, I was not about to pay 30 dollars for sitting on a hill at night and being harrassed by 3 dirty cops!
At this point Silvia was on the brink of fake tears in her arguement with the other 2, so I left my conversation about the bribe and went to comfort her. At this point one of the followers threw out the comment, "Just leave them alone, it's not worth it." So, after about a 15 or 20 minute ordeal, they decided to let us go. But, when I went to get my i.d. from one of the follower cops, he told me I had to pay him. He named his price at 50 pesos (5 dollars). However, I told him I didn't have any money. Tired of the whole ordeal (which is the approach you have to take towards police who want to hassle you), they told us we could go.
So, I had my first run-in with the police here. I can't imagine what they would have done to me, an American, if Silvia had not been there to wear them out with her dramatic performance. All I know is that I am so thankful for the moderately just police force in American. I'll take moderately just over mostly corrupt any day!
It all started when Silvia and I went for "churros" (giant cinnamon sticks) in the center of town, which has become our delicious ritual. After finishing, she told me she wanted to go to the church. Thinking she meant the church in the zócalo (which is where we were), I agreed quickly. But, she quickly corrected me and told me she wanted to go to the church on top of the piramid. This is the piramid with the largest base in Mexican and has a quaint, catholic/pagan church on the top. It was about 10 o´clock at night and I couldn't help but think how beautiful the view of the city from the top would be. I was in.
We arrived at the base of the piramid with no gates and no opposition. We began the journey up the stairs and passed a group of three people that didn´t say anything to us. About 10 minutes later we arrived at the church. There were gates showing that it was closed, but we decided to jump them and enter anyway. After about 15 minutes of us being moderately loud on the top, because we didn't think anybody was there, a man came out of the church. We were just standing and looking at the city, so he just told us we had to leave. We complied, although sad that we wouldn't receive the same view from farther down the piramid.
About 50 yards down from the church was a grassy hill that we decided would make a good city-gazing spot. We planted ourselves and just sat tranquilly staring and talking. About five minutes into our time there three police officers walked abruptly up to us. "I need to see your credentials please. This is a restricted area as it is an arcealogical zone. Where are you from? Where do you live? You can't be here because this is an arcealogical zone." All of this was said by the leader of the three in a matter of about 10 seconds. Silvia didn't have her i.d. from the university, but I did, so I gave it to them. The leader continued to badger us. He lead into his big speach for about the second time about how this was an "arcealogical zone" when I said, "look, we didn't know, we will go, all we needed was a warning." But, they wouldn't let us go. At this point, I thought about making a run-for-it and just leaving my i.d., but I noticed that they had guns at there hips and decided that wouldn't be the best move. Silvia, being the actress that she is, led into a big speal about how she was only 17 (she´s 18) and how they were just trying to badger us. The two followers engaged her arguement while the leader took me aside. "Look, you´re going to have to pay us", he said. "Well, how much?" I responded. He took a few seconds to calculate an amount he thought I would pay and that would satisfy his greed. He responded, "3", meaning 300 pesos (about 30 dollars). All I know is, I was not about to pay 30 dollars for sitting on a hill at night and being harrassed by 3 dirty cops!
At this point Silvia was on the brink of fake tears in her arguement with the other 2, so I left my conversation about the bribe and went to comfort her. At this point one of the followers threw out the comment, "Just leave them alone, it's not worth it." So, after about a 15 or 20 minute ordeal, they decided to let us go. But, when I went to get my i.d. from one of the follower cops, he told me I had to pay him. He named his price at 50 pesos (5 dollars). However, I told him I didn't have any money. Tired of the whole ordeal (which is the approach you have to take towards police who want to hassle you), they told us we could go.
So, I had my first run-in with the police here. I can't imagine what they would have done to me, an American, if Silvia had not been there to wear them out with her dramatic performance. All I know is that I am so thankful for the moderately just police force in American. I'll take moderately just over mostly corrupt any day!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
should i or shouldn't i
So, I know that I haven't posted in awhile, and I apologize for that. However, this isn't going to be a very serious post. I have been considering smuggling some Cuban cigars back into the states, and I'd like to know what you guys think. Worth the risk or not? Let me know by posting here. I've got this whole plan about switching the labels to mexican cigar labels and I think it could work....hmmmmm. I'll try to post something better soon. Don't give up on me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
