Siempre esperamos una despedida...

We always await a goodbye.


I read a book this semester by a Mexican author called "La piel muerta" (The dead skin) that was incredibly sad about how we have relationships in life but that there is really no hope because the only state of a relationship is waiting for the end. Today Silvia left for la Ciudad de Carmen, her hometown. However, as a believer in the care of God for his children and the hope of redemption, I am sad because I don't know when I will see her again and because I no longer have her care and love. I am not said because I believe that we are only allowed relationships that will not have eternal durations or because I the pain of losing her scares me so bad that I fear even having a relationship with her.

Silvia wrote me an incredibly beautiful letter, which she presented me with in the taxi ride to the bus station. Once at the bus station, we bought M&M's, looked for a present for her parents, tried to finish Ephesians (which we have been reading together), and I presented her with a large stuffed cow (which she informed me was the best cow she had ever received, which is something coming from her). After all of this, Silvia read me her letter out loud and we both, standing in the walkway because there was no room for us in the seats in the waiting area, began to weep. There is something about crying together over shared experiences that is incredibly comforting yet terribly disconcerting. In this instance, our reminiscing of these memories signified the end of our time together as of now and the beginning of a time of uncertainty as we have a relationship between countries.

We got about halfway through the letter when it became apparent that her bus could leave without her if we didn't leave off there. So, I hurriedly gave her a goodbye hug and kiss and that was that. Fighting tears I wandered to a table in some restaurant in the main, open part of the bus station. There I continued reading the beautiful letter and really broke down crying. It was so beautiful to review our experiences through the medium of her letter.

All this to say, I am incredibly sad that the woman I care so much about is now going to be thousands of miles from me for an unknown amount of time. But, I do not feel the tension of awaiting a permanent goodbye. I'm not sure if the Lord will preserve the relationship or not. I know that I will continue to pray for Silvia and for myself and what God would have for our lives. Today was a goodbye, but not the goodbye. As the great hymn goes "What´ever my God ordains is right," I know that I am not aimlessly wondering, fearing the breakdown of things. Oh that God would give me the faith to sing and pray that great line with honesty!